How to deal with an offensive work situation

Anna tries to get help from her manager to deal with a cruel partner. “My boss just said to me, ‘He idiot. “Wait until he drowns.”

Being relatively new to his job, he lacked allies to communicate his prospects to his affiliate marketing company. Coming to Fe miserable և alone, he contacted me with psychological coaching questions to try to find a way to resolve his situation.

Like Anna, many struggle to find confidence when she needs it from harsh working conditions. Instead, they tend to think. “What did I do wrong?”

In an extremely volatile situation, it is very easy to overestimate your involvement in what happened, when it could be the result of a dysfunctional organization or simply dependent on individual behavior, such as a bullying leader or a poisonous partner. Often the culprit is successful և charismatic և it only adds to the confusion.

Moreover, if your impressive work makes you jealous, then trying to fix things by raising the case can only get worse. Similarly, if attempts to defend yourself are interpreted as questioning the sinner’s ability, you will hardly understand your point. Expressing your feelings to an employee who makes your life miserable only makes sense if he or she can manage their emotions.

Anna, an American in her thirties, was scared for her job when an aggressive colleague broke into her office, attacked her character, complained to her and threatened to fire her. Things got worse as the situation evoked traumatic memories of the violence he had as a child.

He explains. “I saw how someone behaved, he began to question it. Which surprised me. “Is there anything wrong with me?” And because I did not understand where the calibration was, it created a huge amount of constant fear. ”

I explained how his partner’s behavior was almost certainly designed to make Anna feel bad so that she would not feel inadequate. It seemed that the partner was not going to leave, the company was unlikely to take any action. When Anna was able to face these realities, she was able to free herself from the hunt and plan her way out.

He says. “The useful thing in our conversations was to open the culture of the organization, its psychology, DNA. It was clear that the organization was not interested in that. “There is a CEO who is very controlling, he considers everyone else to be a completely replaceable zero value.”

Changing his outlook not only allayed fears but also restored confidence. He no longer allowed himself to be targeted for his partner’s unfair predictions. With this insight, he could have responded to what was really happening rather than erasing the traumas of his childhood.

“I do not like shouting B ‘BS’, but I do [now] Realize that it ‘s just so uncomfortable that it’ s uncomfortable to fall in the rain. It does not mean anything to me, it just means that I am getting wet. ”

Rare time, experience, or motivation is seldom used to solve ingrained psychological problems at work. It is often easier to absorb negative predictions from others than to accept that your organization is neither interested in you nor protects you from harm.

There is still a high risk of a serious blow to self-esteem. Such states of mind cloud thinking և weaken concentration, causing one to lose self-confidence և performance. Therefore, the optimal goal should be self-defense. Apply damages by not disputing them as much as possible, moving to another company position or looking for another job.

While the prospect of leaving may be intimidating for some, especially if they have lost confidence, it is easier to leave a toxic situation than to recover from its harmful long-term consequences.

Michael, 35, a production company liaison officer, also initially claimed responsibility for the clash with his manager. But in fact, his boss was jealous of Michael’s extravagant personality and imaginative ideas. When he did well, his head hit hard.

“I felt deeply demoralized,” says Michael. “There is a certain madness. I began to think that there must be some kind of personal language or way of doing things that I had not read and for which none of my skills could.

“It simply came to my notice then. “My manager was deeply insecure; he predicted his worries in front of his team.”

Michael’s psychological make-up was such that he was always trying to fit in, to work harder when things got complicated, but that only made matters worse. For him, the learning curve realized that regardless of his commitment, motivation, or integrity, he was never going to thrive in that organization. Eventually, he was able to leave, knowing that failure was not his.

“For years I thought the job was there to get you approved, but there I found that no matter how hard I worked, that certification did not come. It was a sobering experience, it certainly matured me. ”

Realizing that not everything is solvable can be frustrating, but it is equally reassuring to know that not everything depends on you.

“I had a sense of my own ability to form a significantly inflated organization,” says Michael. “Like offensive relations, it is difficult to leave and gain courage. In the end, that’s the best thing I’ve ever done. ”

If you find yourself in a demoralized, depressed or burned-out workplace because of an abusive relationship or a toxic culture, find a trusted person – a former educator, close partner or coach with psychological experience – to give you a perspective. They may be able to interrupt your self-harming monologue և offer more realistic explanations: solutions.

Ask yourself whether the circumstances are simply complicated, need to be addressed, or are they a symptom of a complex individual or a larger cultural problem that is unlikely to change.

Leaving a toxic environment strengthens և almost always calms. Making sense of experience allows you to not only quit bad work, but also bad feelings. Your ultimate goal is to leave your self-esteem unbroken.

The writer is a business consultant, a psychotherapist. He is the author of the forthcoming book, The Man Who Made the Wrong Work for His Life.

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